Spring break 2021

 It was a pleasant trip we had this spring break. My dear husband driving the entirety of the 1900 miles. Kids in the back seat talking, arguing, practicing their WWE inspired moves on each other, listening to old and new songs in a multitude of languages and singing along with each of them with equal vigor. What more could you ask for?

  Cool, crisp air blowing through our overgrown hair (thanks to Covid-19 and laziness alike). A week of no office work, no school work nor the thought of what lies ahead when we get back to our daily monotonous routine of hybrid learning(2 days of on campus schooling and the rest online - yes I know, unheard of! before 2020 - been more than an year now), and work from home all day, every day in which ever pajamas you please. Lunches out of a cooler box - fruits, veggies, hummus, veggie burgers , cheeses, sauces and everything I could think of putting in between two slices of bread, thrown in last minute from the Akshaya Patra(look it up) of a fridge that I proudly possess. The day before we left for the road trip, I splurged on buying all kinds of "unhealthy" foods which in our house is a requirement for the hours spent in the car together. I had an arsenal of snacks to neutralize the attack of the hangry mob -  varieties of family size chips, nutter-butter, oreos, cheez-it, granola bars(well, I'm a mom and have a need to put in something healthy, not that anyone ate them unless they really needed to and there was nothing else available) and of course soda - trust me it was worth taking all these.

   Of course, the purpose of the trip was to get out of the house and get some fresh perspective of life beyond the four walls. It took me a lot of reading travel blogs, searching for the perfectly distanced hotels so as to reduce driving distances, picking out just the right amount of hiking vs sight seeing vs enjoying the hotel pools, marking where restaurants were closer to the hotels, figuring out what passes to buy and this effort  produced a nice spreadsheet with our itinerary. I even have the planned out vs actual itinerary! (yes, I updated it after we got back from the trip). 

   My day started with lists of things to do and make others do - no difference from any other day for the manager and full time worker of our four member household of which I am the only female member (I needed to state that - a damsel among... a diamond in the rough...you get the point). Not one person would be able to get outside the house with all his clothes on, forget all the other necessities for any trip on any particular occasion, be it sports, scouts, school, work - unless I was there to find them their keys, fill up their water bottle, hand them their jackets after I found their socks and masks and of course their breakfasts and lunches. Anyway enough about myself. We were able to get everything in to the car including ourselves - took out the trash, locked all the doors and windows etc, checked off everything on my list and started on our trip. Finally, Zion here we come!

   The sun was shining, it was supposed to be a cold week in Zion for which we had packed our jackets and beanies but today there was a whole new forecast- it would be in the high 70s and 80s...good for us as we are definitely more used to the warmth and will take it any day. Some interesting sights on the way were  expansive solar farms on both sides of the I-15 and the "Zzyzx" road near Barstow - yes, there is such a road and it is famous apparently, look it up. I took us around 6.5 hours to get to Springdale where we were staying for 2 days as we explored the National Park.

to be continued..

 

Enough

I don't want to know more
I don't want to do more
I don't want to love more
I don't want to feel more
I just want to be enough

anything I do I feel like I'm lacking
I walk the walk
I talk the talk
but everything I do I fall short of enough

No one is ever happy
no one is ever fulfilled
no one is satisfied with what I give
I guess I don't do enough

I strive to do better
I push myself to the end
I try and try some more
just to reach the goal
but alas I am too far, from what is deemed enough.

maybe I am not enough
but that's what I am
I am a giver, a lover, a doer,
a feeler, an achiever, a fulfiller,
a human and in my mind never enough
I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a teacher, a nurse, an assistant, a chef,
a worker and many more things
but never enough.

After thoughts

Many a thing has happened in life that has been run over and over in my mind. Again and again I think - what if?...

 Then the thought comes - whats important or what is it that matters - the thoughts behind an action, the after thoughts or the consequences? Which one should characterize an individual? Is he/she a bad person because what ever they did had a bad consequence? Does it matter what was intended and how a past action is being reasoned and weighed at the present moment while looking back?

Are all actions not the best in ones mind at that particular instance of time? So , why spend more time brooding over bygones...evaluate the action, the pre thoughts and the after thoughts but always let not a fear creep up from past actions but only an awareness, let more knowledge be gained, let an action be taken and life be lived. Be it a mistake in after thought, let there be action, let there be experience , let there be life.

My PeddaNannagaru

The title feels like a little kids composition but that is what this is. I left home at 21 yrs of age and the only time I was away from my parents before that was in my ninth grade. I lived for an year under the governance of my Mom's elder sister and husband who had retired from their respective jobs and settled down in our home town. My Doddamma had retired as the vice principal of a high school and was still pretty much that. She was the one who managed the house and me:-). I very diligently did my tasks and homework and scored well in school and so always was in the good books of my Peddanannagaru whom I adored. He was always very quiet and enjoyed his movies. I always felt that the character of Phileas Fogg was sketched after his lifestyle. He had a set time for everything - for his morning walk and coffee, his lunch, his meetings with colony members, his evening walk, dinner and pretty much anything he did was already well planned in to his daily time table. Always the first to help anyone and always the first to appreciate ones efforts...He always had candy in his shirt pocket and an orange peeler in his spectacle case:-) which I borrowed from time to time. Always gave me 5 rupees every time I asked for his blessings and touched his feet. He always had a smile on his face when he greeted anyone. I still remember how thrilled I was when he gave me a pen for getting good grades in 10th class. He always used to come back from his walks, sit down on the chair taking off his walking shoes and say "Vijaya! coffee iyyi". That was part of his daily routine. He took coffee without sugar...cos once the doc said that he might be on the verge of being a diabetic. He would sometimes get poori koora as breakfast for me from some place on his walking route. He took me to a movie once ...man that was a boring movie ...I once went walking with him to VUDA park and he introduced me to all his buddies. ..There are so many little things that remind me of him...He will be in my memories forever.

finally!..

So, my brother has been asking me to create a blog for a couple years now. And I finally got down to do it. Years have gone by since I have written anything. No time left for me, for expressing myself. Have been and am lost in this vicious cycle of life. Work, food ,rest are the only things I do. Life has been busy and is about to get more busy in a couple months with the advent of my second one. My brother once wrote about enjoying tea with family and that is when I realized how much we missed sitting down to talk. It was at those times that we shared our days happenings - achievements, woes and just anything in general. Sometimes we just watched tv and drank tea. But the feeling of togetherness was what made a difference. We miss our family. I miss having someone to throw all my ideas and feelings at and know that I need not be afraid of what would come from the other side- it would always be some soothing , encouraging words... I miss those words or sometimes just an oh or ah..or ok...and that was enough to keep me going. Those days are gone , never to return...they are and will be alive but in our minds...cherished forever.